You can always tell when a scammer means business because they sacrifice the life of the only child and son to prove a point. They also capitalize their name at the end of an email. It’s a pity that neither of us will be millionaires any time soon the way we’re crashing right now. I always seem to lose them when I propose or volunteer my gene propogating services. Anyway, Joy wasn’t happy about my request for a measly $25 to save her only child and son Alfred:

CJ,

Look i am not a kid if you don’t want to send that money to me quite yourself from this transactions and stop emailing me ok and don’t contact the bank anylonger i don’t need your help anymore you are a fake man not a real man and you talks too much without any actions nso if you can’t send that little money to me then stop the commuinications ok.

JOY.

This may be the last email I get to send her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, little horsey!! Allow me to scroll through my email here a sec to see who initiated this whole thing…..okay, I’m done. As I suspected, YOU approached ME for help, not the other way around. In my naivete, I’ve decided to help you. I was more than happy just sitting around picking lint from my belly button before I decided to help you.

I’ve done EVERYTHING you asked and then I make one small request and you go Anakin Skywalker on me. I have $350 waiting at Western Union to be shipped and all you have to do is verify your existence by wiring a measly $25. I’m just trying to help your only child and son Alfred the only way I know how.

Now, I realize that I have serious issues. My parents were killed in an ugly cotton candy corn accident when I was 12 years old, so I understand your pain. I’m trying to help you. But, if you want to shut me out now because YOU don’t want to help your only child and son Alfred, it’s no skin off my big toenail! Take it or leave it, but don’t start giving me a hard time for trying to help you.

You call me fake, but it seems that someone who is REALLY worried their only child and son would be more willing to sacrifice a little for his life. Maybe he’s not really in the hospital and that’s why you got so angry. Why don’t you send me pictures of him in the hospital if you want my help? I’ll give you two days, then I’m going back to Western Union to pull my money order (which will cost ME $15 just to do). If you haven’t verified by Friday, that’s what I’m going to do. Then I’m going to take my $350 and go buy some perfumed stationary, scented with Polecat Juice.

Next time you write to me, you might want to be a little more kind and apologetic (a word which here means, say sorry with whipped cream on top!).

Extremely agitated,
CJ