I posted an entry back when I first arrived in country about how things change when you are in a war zone. I wrote that it would become a series, but I never wrote the follow on article that I intended to write. A combination of things happened including a big series of missions that I hope to write about when I return home. I am hesitant to write about them now for OpSec concerns. I do feel safe saying that it gave me some experience on convoys and I got to see exactly why we are here. It took my belief in my mission here to a new level.

It is not secret that a lot of things change in you once you enter a war zone. One of those big things for a lot of folks is finding the Lord. In my case, it was a rediscovery of my faith on a level I haven’t experienced in a very long time. I’m going to place the rest of this below the fold so those that aren’t interested can breeze on by. However, I encourage you to read because this is going to give a look into my inner mind that a lot of you, especially those that I have been communicating with so often since starting here a year ago, have never seen. Perhaps this will help you look into yourself and find something missing, but that is a pure bonus.

I grew up a church-going young man in the Church of Christ, where I was initially saved, and matured in the United Methodist Church where I spent my high school years and the almost five years since. My faith and expressions of that faith were what I would call very strong from sixth grade until I graduated. I left for boot camp the summer after graduation and was still active in the expression of my faith, but the expressions slowed to an embarrassing rate once I settled into the Marine Corps way of life. I say expressions because while my faith in the Lord never swayed, my time spent with Him in worship and prayer got to be few and far in between.

I realized something in me was missing in September when we lost Granny. I didn’t wake up one morning and think something wasn’t right, but I had the feeling of lacking. I wasn’t able to put my finger on what it was at all, but it started becoming clear over the next few months. It started with Dad taking on the awesome responsibility that is my Papaw and his declining health. I’m sure Dad won’t mind me writing about this as it speaks volumes of what kind of man he really is, but he’ll be humble and tell him he is just doing what any son would do for his dad. (Note: For those of you who haven’t figured this out, my dad comments from time to time as Marine Dad.)

One of the things he did was taking Papaw to his church. Dad hadn’t been very active in a church that I knew of for some time, but had started attending morning fellowship and pray breakfasts. The time he spent at church certainly lead the Lord to touch his heart and he emailed or called, I can’t remember which at this point, to let me know he and Mom had joined Papaw’s church. I was thrilled for my Dad. It certainly brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart even though I wasn’t active in a church at the time.

The discovery continued when Thanksgiving rolled around and it was the last time Anna and I would be in our hometowns together until I left for over here. Anna and I went to church with my folks the Sunday we were in Arkansas and we both absolutely loved it. Even being in an awesome service didn’t make the light click with what was lacking, but it did help in the long process of where I am now.

The next three months between Thanksgiving and leaving were so busy that the lacking feeling was filled with busy preparation. The entire family was getting ready for the birth of Bella and for my departure. I was more concerned with leaving my family, meaning Anna and Bella, behind. I know they are in great hands, but that is my family. The day came, the tears flowed (even from me and Dad), and the plane left.

The first couple of weeks featured the return of the lacking feeling. I started attending services in the chapel of our camp and gradually the feeling started to fade. I took a more active role in my faith and it has literally changed my life over the last two months. The lacking is gone and filled with the love and presence of the Lord. This feeling is what I loved about faith and grace while going through a few turbulent years in high school. The feeling of peace from the Lord keeps me ground and chugging until I can return home and share my rediscovered faith with my little family.

All of this ties in to something that a lot of guys out here experience. It is a common event of finding your faith in a situation of extreme danger. Some find it for the first time, and others, like me, rediscover it much to the same joy they once had. The next step in faith is just as important, if not more; growing your faith and sustaining it for a life time. I’ve obviously struggled with that over the last five years, and while I can say now that it won’t happen again, there is no guarantee. It will be a daily journey until the day that I finally see the Lord above.