A SOLDIER'S PERSPECTIVE
THE WEB'S LEADING MILITARY BLOG SINCE 2004
Hey there everyone. I know I have been absent lately and for that, I am sorry. I have had some things going on that I am trying to deal with and am not really sure what to do about them. I recently went from running over the road to running a local run from Gulf Port,MS to New Orleans, LA. I am still working for the same company I was running over the road and I am hoping this will help with the problem I am dealing with. As several of you know, I having some problems with PTSD, or at least that is what I think this is.
A couple of weeks ago I was driving in Atlanta, at night. I got on I285 and heard a pop, then another pop, and then again several more pops. I was on the edge of my seat. My adrenaline started pumping hard. I looked all over for the muzzle flashes to see where the small arms fire was coming from. I couldn’t find it. I should be able to see the flash! Then I saw a flash from a back firing car just in front of me. It took me a few minuets to come back to where I really was. I wanted to stop the truck right then on the side of the road, get out, and walk home. But I was to far away. I was on the phone with a friend that had been a contractor in Iraq and he was yelling and asking me what was going on. He kept telling me that I was OK, that I was in the states. I just wanted to get away from that truck. This truck that reminds me of being over there. That reminds me of watching my driver get shot! That reminds me of all the blood!! It took everything I have in me to keep driving. It took my friend A LOT of talking to keep me driving. If I could have, I would have walked away from that truck and never gotten back into another.
Over the last week and a half, I have refused to drive at night. I have done any and all driving during the daylight hours. I called my office and told them that this was not going to work. I could not do this. After talking with them for a bit they told me to come in and see them when I get back to the office. That was last Friday. Today, after explaining everything to them on Friday, I started running this local run. I wont have to drive a big truck during night time hours. I will be home very night and off on the weekends. I am now trying to find someone experienced with PTSD to get some counseling. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to live my life being afraid of driving a big truck at night. I have been driving a truck for 16 years. It has been my life and what I love. So, if anyone out there knows of a place in the Pascagoula/Gulf Port, MS area that deals with people with PTSD, please email me and let me know.
All this time I thought I could deal with this on my own. I thought that it was nothing, minor stuff. But that night in Atlanta scared me to death.
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Hi Gaby, you can email me at tracylin.hogan@yahoo.com and i will ta
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CJ, we thank you for your service and all you have been through and ho
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LL
Cindy, I wish I knew of someone to help you.
Hang in there. *hug*
Tracy
Cindy, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Huge Kudos to your employer for working with you on this and getting you another run.
I hope you find someone qualified to help you soon.
antimedia
Cindy, the first place you should look for help is KBR’s insurer AIG. They had mental health professionals on staff in Iraq, and they *should* be helping you here at home. If they refuse to help, be prepared to engage a lawyer. (One named Gary Pitts, out of Houston, has been helping vets of the Gulf War get compensation for Gulf War Syndrome.)
Second, check with your present insurer and see what coverage is available for mental health treatment.
Third, find people you can talk to. The friend you spoke to on the phone was a godsend, I’m sure.
Fourth, check with local social services. Ask around. There’s bound to be people that can at least point you in the right direction. Phone the people you blogged about from the National Center for PTSD.
What you are experiencing is a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma to which you were exposed. The Volvo truck is a trigger. It brings back the memories because it is a part of those memories. The startle reaction to normal noises is a normal reaction to having been in an environment where you had to be on alert 24/7.
I didn’t find anything specific yet in the Gulf area, but I’m sure there is someone who can help. It might take some work to find them, but it will be worth it.
Whatever you do, do not get down on yourself. You’re experiencing a normal reaction to trauma that humans should never have to endure.
Sharm
There is no shame in asking for help. I will ask my young children to pray for you (without needing to know all details); they will at Mass tomorrow and probably will do it on their own at other times. Just a little touching story about my son who is about to turn 8. Last fall my husband saw a story that involved a sick infant who was going to be taken off life support because of major complications from which he was not going to recover. I told my son to pray for the baby on that Friday at 12:00. We got busy and it was after noon when he reminded me, upset that I forgot. I noticed on his T-shirt that he had pinned on little baby’s feet (a symbol for the pro-life movement.) My second one is the same. She will remember a prayer request for a long time. (I have 3 but the youngest just turned 3.) The children know a little about the war. Thank you for what you have done for them, whatever your role was.
Donna
Cindy,
I too am praying for you. Hope you get to feeling better soon!
ZSU7
Keep your body well-nourished. Healthy physical nerves can help you withstand and fight mental jolts to your system. A couple of tablespoons of Kretchmer’s wheat germ daily does wonders to build your physical nervous system which may not erase PTSD but will help your body cope and can lessen the frequency and severity of these insidious attacks on you.
Please catch many heart hugs and prayers being sent your way.
ZSU7
Apologies for second post – but please follow antimedia’s solid suggestions and advice. You guys and gals are not only America’s heroes and saviors, you are Earth’s temporal salvation and keepers of Freedom’s bright flame.
May “We the People” become worthy of your sacrifices.
Terri
Cindy I wish I knew of resources out there but I don’t. Sure wish you were here in Central Texas and I’d be more able to help. You’re more than welcome to call me anytime you need to. Feel free to do so.
Mercey
As a fellow sufferer of PSTD due to differing reasons then yours, I can only tell you that I know what you are going through and you are not alone.
It is a daily battle, and in my case, too, loud sounds such as unexpected banging doors or backfiring cars can take you back to that time and the original experience and you are trapped in the nightmare all over again reliving it over and over again for who knows long.
Then comes another recall attack triggered by something else just as you are getting over the first one.
There are medications you can try and there is the option of cognitive therapy, if you are able to talk about your experience without making it worse.
For myself, what worked best, were some of the medicines, and then replacing the traumatic pictures and experiences in my head with something entirely different.
Although, I could not honestly tell you that I free of any or all symptoms by any means even seven years later, at least people do not make freak out anymore and I do not have nightmares about the events anymore.
You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Nelson D. Noel
Cindy,
I’m pretty certain that any local Viet Nam Vets organization should be able to steer you to the best resources in your area. I hope you find the help you need, I’ll be praying for you.
And Cindy, thank you for your service.
antimedia
Cindy, Mercey reminded me of something. One thing you can do that might help is to play music that you really love while driving the truck. Eventually your mind will associate the truck with pleasant thoughts rather than the memories from Iraq.
If there was music that you listened to while driving in Iraq *and* that music is associated with some of the traumatic experiences you endured, do not play it any more.
Music can be very powerful. I’ll give you one example.
While I was reading a book about the Manson murders, I kept playing an album over and over again. I didn’t do it deliberately. I had just gotten the album and loved the music, and I happened to be reading the book at the time.
The book was so disturbing that by the time I finished it, I could not listen to the album any more. Every time I played the album, visions of the horrific scenes from that book ran through my mind.
Doing things that help associate the truck with good thoughts will help overcome the bad thoughts that are now associated with it.
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PV2 White
just thought that I know what you are going through with all the fear and stress of having to deal with PTSD,because I am suffering from it too.if you want you can email me.
sweetangelcat40@yahoo.com
PV2 White
so if you want too you can email me whenever you want too.