When my son was in middle school, he was acting up and the principle called me. I asked him what my son was doing. He told me he was acting like a grade school kid and had gotten under his desk. I suggested the teacher treat him the way he acted. I thought he would stroke out on me!

I went to school, and threatened to spank my son right there in front of his classmates if he continued to act in this manner. I also told him in the future I would come to school if necessary and sit in a desk in his classroom. End of problem!

Every year I met my kids’ teachers. At that meeting I let the teachers and kids know in front of each other what they could expect from me and what I expected from them. I expected my kids to work and behave. I expected the teacher to teach and discipline as needed. I expected I would help the teacher or my kids when needed. I let them both know up front I fully supported the teacher; but, I also held them accountable if they failed to hold up their end. I also let the kids know the same thing and that the same applied to me.

I had very few teachers who felt I was not supportive.. But, the School Board hated me! My kids are both very bright; but, they had a learning disability. Both were bored when not challenged. The county had difficulty accepting that bright kids with a learning disability could handle and needed advanced placement. They were more concerned about image. I fought every darn year for them both. Finally I suggested to them that they might consider how great they looked by developing their program so kids with higher abilities could “all” meet their potential.

Both have worked steady, full time jobs since leaving high school. One graduates from VCU in May after working full time and going to school full time with a Degree in Criminal Justice. My son is the smarter one, so he took a management promotion thinking he could handle both. That prevented him from going full time. He has one more credit before he has two years at the local community college then will do as my daughter did and transfer to VCU.

Had I listened to the School Board and counselors, neither would have finished high school much lesss college. But, frequently they were harrassed because of Special Ed. help. They were also rarely the victimbut were at fault for the same reason. I refused to allow this to continue.

KIds need discipline. They need structure at home and at school. They also need fairness and patience. At times they need to walk away. At times they need to stand their ground. The trick is to teach them how to tell the difference.

One is 23 and the other is 25. They occasionally drink. Both stay out of trouble and don’t “sleep” all over the place or do drugs. Unlike many of their friends, they have also not had unwanted pregnancies or the like.

I am far from an expert, believe me. But, I found what worked for us! I held onto my values and refused to give them up or not teach them to my kids. With the grace of God, I have been very fortunate to be blessed with two great, productive, and responsibe adults.

I was a single [divorced] parent with PTSD and another problem I won’t go into here. I asked for help when I needed it or to check out my parenting, but more importantly, I learned to trust my instincts.

Sorry this is so long; but, I think you can see where I am leading. We do the best we can. We teach them values, consequences, morals, and respect for themselves and others and the rest is up to them. Part of self respect is defending one’s self when necessary.

Needless to say, D did not get into trouble and she acquired the nickname “Lunchbox” and no one messed with her again. And she got a great big hot fudge sundae on the way home.

She is now serving her country.

The teachers policy here, when a fight breaks out, is “it’s not my business”.

They wait for the 60 odd year old ‘security’ guard that they have to come and break it up. Now, you tell me, this is a middle school and a elementary school combined, how long can a fight go on, realistically speaking, before this man hobbles over?

Hence, even though it goes against MY grain, i let Cj tell them to hit back now. You better believe the day that my kid gets knocked down, or taken by surprise and gets their ass kicked, and teachers were watching and sitting on theirs, i’ll become the biggest troublesome parent up theirs. This is why we have even told their teachers nothing had better happen to our kid, because the teachers KNOW that hitting (the anger kind, not the fun) is going on and who is doing it, when they get sent to the office for defending themselves.

This school has become the biggest troublesome part of our move here. This city has some of the highest ranking schools in the nation, and we were unfortunate enough to get one that isn’t that well established yet. I have no love for this school and their upfront policies to parents, yet what they really do is another thing as far as protecting my kids during the day. I could go on and on about things that these kids get away with because the school doesn’t want to deal with their angry parents. They would rather placate the parents of the good kids that get caught in the middle then be honest to the parents of the ones that need to be told their kids are menaces in their schools.

I could go on, and my point was, in this school, my kids have learned that you CAN’T go to the teachers for help because they won’t do anything about it.
emily

Sometimes kids make friends after a fight. That happened with a new girl in the neighborhood and me. We got into it one day, for what reason I have forgotten, and after the fight, we realized that we didn’t hate each other. We were friends for several years until I moved away. The last time I saw her, she had just joined the Marine Corps.

A bully or nut job with a sawed off shot gun will think twice about going off if he knows there are those around that will fight back and with enough force to win.

I say go for it.