On Thursday, my post took part in Take Your Child To Work Day. I was only going to take Chris with me, but the girls wanted to come as well and who am I to deny them?

The day began when I woke them up at 0520 in the morning. They all wanted to do PT with me so I went out and bought them little PT uniforms so we all matched. The military clothing sales store was out of PT shorts so I went to the PX and bought some cheap black shorts. We left the house about 0545 and headed to my Commander’s house to pick up him and his son (I’ll call him Mikey since I didn’t ask permission to use his name). My commander recently had surgery, so he can’t put any weight on his cast. I told him I’d pick up Mikey for PT. He has wanted to go to PT for a long time too like my kids.

We picked them up at 0600 and headed to the PT track. We began PT with some stretching and warm-up exercises. First up was the push-up. We only did 15, but it must have been enough. This was Anissa’s weakest task. The boys did them well and Hannah at least thought she was doing them right.

Then, I had the kids line up on the quarter-mile track – Hannah, Chris, Anissa, and Mikey. The first thing was to sprint 200m. I counted down and off they went. Before they even got to the first turn, Hannah was crying. I told them it wasn’t a race – to just run as fast as they could. Because Hannah was the youngest, she was the slowest. I tried talking to her about not crying because it’s not a competition and she wouldn’t start running again. I told her I wouldn’t take her to PT ever again if this is how she is going to act. I finally motivated her to finish her lap. We did a few other events on the monkey bars, the pole climb, and others with a more sprints and then a group “run” around the track with Hannah on point. We cooled down and 45 minutes later we were finished.

I had a plan for the day.

0900-1000: Go to the office so they could watch what I do all day – sit at the computer and answer emails from Battalion as they micro-manage my company and set insanely short deadlines and suspenses for stuff they should already have. Our travel system was down, so that wouldn’t be an issue. Normally, this part of my day begins at 0800 and I haven’t found out when it ends yet, since it seems to never do so!! It’s like Groundhog Day.
1000-1130: Go to the parade grounds where a bunch of static displays were set up of military equipment found on the Arsenal.
1130-1230: Lunch at the Chow Hall. I love the chow hall and the kids like eating there. The problem is that normally, family members aren’t allowed to eat at the chow hall. Thursday was an exception and I got approval from the General Manager ahead of time.
1230-1300: Consolidate and move to the EST (Engagement Skills Trainer – more on this later)
1300-1500: EST training.
1500: End of duty day.

So, I left the house about 0830 and headed for work with the kids. About halfway to work, Emily calls me and reminds me that I was supposed to take my laptop to work to be inventoried. Crap!! I was already on post too!! I had to have the laptop because we are in the middle of change of command inventories and the new commander needs to see everything so he can sign for it. So, I turned around and headed back home. By the time I got back home it was already 0900 and Emily was back from her walk, so I told her she had 15 minutes to get showered, shaved, shampooed and back downstairs – she was going with us!!

We got to work about 0945, already 45 minutes behind schedule (my fault!). When we got there, Mikey was waiting for Chris. They had arranged to play Legos at the office and seem to get along well. I logged onto my work computer and started knocking out the tasks I could as quick as possible. At about 1030, we finally made our way to the display yard.

The various units on post had set up everything from fire trucks, to helicopters, to the Multiple Launch Rocket System, to IED-defeating robots. The Arsenal Police Department brought their K-9 unit and put on an impressive display for the families. The kids climbed up into all the vehicles and pretended they were Soldiers launching missiles against Morton, I mean terrorists. Yes, we start the “brain-washing” of our militarized Hitler Bush youth early. Gotta make that enlistment quota when they’re of fighting age!!

After the K-9 show, we made our way to the helicopters.

Off-topic side trip alert: I’ve always been enamored with helicopters. I really, really, really, really, really want to fly helicopters. It’s been a dream of mine for years!! In order to become an Army helicopter pilot you have to pass called the Alternate Flight Aptitiude Selection Test. It’s a 130-point test that gauges one’s aptitude for flying. As an enthusiast, I had taken all the rotary wing correspondence courses when I was a Sergeant preparing for my promotion to Staff Sergeant. I scored a 121, an impressive score that I was told made me a shoe-in for the Warrant Officer flight program. I immediately began preparing for and completing the flight physical. The flight physical is an uber-intensive physical that culminates in the dreaded finger up the butt exam. Thankfully, my flight surgeon was a bony-fingered stick of a man and not a sasquatchian, sausage for finger behemoth. The two things that kill people on the flight physical are eyesight and previous health conditions. I have 20/15 eyesight and no health problems (at the time). But, when my physical results came back, I was disqualified because my eyes were “prone to fatigue.” Huh? “Do you get tired wearing NVGs or driving at night?” “No.” “Well the tests say you do.” “But, I actually PREFER to drive at night!!” “Doesn’t matter.” “And I’m in the OPFOR. I have to drive with NVGs at night for hours on end ALL THE TIME.” “Sorry, the tests say your eyes are prone to fatigue.” I had failed. I talked to pilot friends of mine and they stood there mouth agape wondering what the heck he was talking about. They convinced me to get a second opinion. The eye problems didn’t show up the second time, but suddenly my “wingspan” (the length from fingertip to fingertip with arms outstretched) was too short. “That doesn’t make any sense. I’ve been in a Kiowa and Apache and I can reach all those controls. The seat in the Blackhawk is adjustable. The Huey is no problem. The only problem I could see is if I had to fly a Chinook.” “Well, the regs say your arms are too short.” And so, my dreams were dashed. I now work behind a desk instead of the cockpit of a chopper.

Side trip ended: So, I take the kids to the helicopters and they are allowed to sit in the pilot and gunner’s seats. I explain to the kids what all the controls mean and how to fly a helicopter. The pilots are impressed and ask if I’m a crew chief (enlisted guys can’t fly Army helicopters, so we are usually crew chiefs or mechanics). I told him no and asked if I was saying anything wrong. While I was explaining to Anissa and Chris how the helicopter worked, a few other adults and children started listening in. I wanted to make sure I was on track. “Carry on, First Sergeant, you’re explaining it better than I have been.”

We finished at the display yard at about 1130. I had talked to the General Manager and he said that if we come, the best times are at about 1115 or wait until 1230 because of the lines. From 1130-1215, they serve about 400 Soldiers and it gets crazy. We decided to go back to the office for a few before we went to eat. Unfortunately, Battalion had sent out an email about an hour earlier that there was a Command & Staff briefing at 1200 – something the commander and I didn’t think was happening. Well, because we couldn’t go anywhere, Emily had to leave for a doctor’s appointment and had to take the van. We were supposed to eat, then she would drop us off at the EST (don’t worry, I’ll explain) and go to her appointment. The @@$%^@! meeting went until about 1300. We felt completely unprepared. My commander’s wife went out and got us all BK for lunch.

By the time Command and Staff was complete, the travel system had come up and Battalion was tripping over themselves to get a bunch of travel orders completed immediately for a big training event coming up. I’m currently managing all travel for the company since we don’t have an XO. I wear two hats – 1SG and XO. I logged into the travel system online and started processing travel authorization requests. But, it seemed like every time I’d complete one, three more would pop up.

To add to the frustration, the clinic where Emily was at was all ate up and giving her a hard time about some films she had requested two days earlier. They hadn’t printed them out yet and she had to get those before she could head to her appointment. Emily and I had gone there IN PERSON to request the films on Monday. We were assured they’d be ready. It took about an hour to get the films, which made her 15 minutes late to her appointment. Luckily, circumstances had convinced her to go to the CAT scan center early for the films. If she had gone when she planned to, she would have been about 30-45 minutes late! At the clinic, it was typically waiting, exacerbated by the fact that she had to fitted in because she was late and her slot was taken. So, I didn’t have the van to take the kids to the EST.

The EST2000 is the Engagement Skills Trainer. If you have Powerpoint on your computers, here is a great EST200 presentation that explains how the system works. It’s basically the biggest video game you’ll ever play that provides the most realistic shooting training short of firing real bullets downrange. The weapons are hooked up to an air compressor that provides the proper “kick” when the weapon is “fired”.

Doesn’t matter since I didn’t get finished with all the last minute taskings until about 1600! I felt so bad for the kids because they were stuck watching me tap away at a computer, make phone calls, and run in and out of my commander’s office as we worked to get things done as quickly as possible. Emily didn’t get back until 1530 either, so even if I had finished early, we didn’t have transportation (the commander can’t drive due to his cast). They started to pick at each other and I was getting frustrated at them because we were at an office and they were getting loud and obnoxious (not their fault since they were stuck in my office). Thankfully, I have a fairly large office and they had room to play.

At the end of the day, we just decided to go to Sam’s and buy four bags of rice before the country imploded and all the rice in the country was gone and we would be forced to eat grass and drink tap water!! But, that’s another frustrating story! What started out as a fun and exciting day designed to show the kids the many things we do in the military, turned into a borefest. At least we had a few hours of fun and time together in there before lunch.