A SOLDIER'S PERSPECTIVE
THE WEB'S LEADING MILITARY BLOG SINCE 2004
The original paper that inspired the message and name of my blog:
12/2/2007
Returning Combat Veterans have a difficult time reintegrating back into society and family life. The scope of this paper explains these issues as they relate to the hindrance of Veterans from attaining a meaningful and productive life.
Returning Combat Veterans (RCV), have a difficult time reintegrating back into society and family life. They deal with a myriad of symptoms combining to hinder the RCV from coping in the civilian world, while having constructive relationships with their family and friends. The RCV struggles with these issues on a daily basis. The scope of this paper explains these concerns as they relate to the hindrance of the veteran from attaining a meaningful and productive life.
The symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) range from acute recurring of memories, nightmares and flashbacks, sleep problems, chronic fatigue, ego developmental disorder, defense mechanism dysfunction, dissociative states, memory repression and memory loss, identity diffusion, chronic depression and suicidal ideation. Substance abuse, addiction, survivor’s guilt and somatoform disorders further encumber our soldiers in arms suffering from PTSD.
Combat trauma experiences can cause sleep disturbances in RCV who suffer from PTSD, for the purpose of this section we will concentrate on the psychological aspects of sleep deprivation and the side effects inherent with mental health problems (Caldwell et al, 2005). The avoidance response enables a deadening or numbing of feeling and aids in societal and expressive withdrawal, reducing participation with the external world. The intrusive responses include hyperarousal, irritability and an exaggerated startle reaction, acting out violently, nightmares, flashbacks, and hypersensitivity to stimuli in the environment (Silverstein 1994). “PTSD develops when traumatic events are unresolved and the person is unable to integrate the reality of the particular event and resulting repetitive replaying of the traumatic images, behaviors, feelings, physiological states, and interpersonal relationships†(Caldwell et al, p. 722).
The dreaming process of memory consolidation, when modified by the effects of PTSD and sleep disorders in patients affects Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. An association lies between REM sleep and the processing of memory fragments and information into semantic memory. These processes aid in the contextual consolidation and formation of fluid memories, much like a computer arranges and stores information on its hard drive. A lack of sleep often disrupts this process and leads to memory fragmentation, memory loss or repression of memories. Studies showed that RCV had a higher rate of REM sleep than the control groups, indicating a higher dreaming scape for the RCV. The leading theory states that elevated levels of the neurotransmitter norepinephrine in PTSD patients while awake and asleep, creates a hyperarousal and hypervigiliant sleep state where traumatic dreams recur (Caldwell et al).
The fifth stage of Erikson’s stages of psychological development deals with the identity verses role confusion crisis which normally happens in late adolescence and early adulthood. In this stage the person has formulated their constitution of personality, connecting the past with the present. Essential to the completion of this task is the successful formation of principles and moral judgment to make choices in areas such as profession and marriage. “[Erikson] observed a phenomenon which he described as an identity crises, suggesting that through the exigencies of war [the RCV] lost a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity. They were impaired in that central control over themselves for which in the psychoanalytic scheme, only the inner agency of the ego could be held responsible. Therefore, I spoke of a loss of ego identity.†(Silverstein, p. 71). Most of the young women and men inducted into the military have yet to crystallize their formation of a self-image; with the underdeveloped individual identity the effects have been tremendous on the undeveloped ego.
Being deprived of an identity ego formation the soldier has expectations to assimilate back into civilian life and form relationships, provide for their families, and generally assume a civilian personality while shedding their military persona; that which gives them a feeling of safety. Some RCV stay stuck in this military mode of identification, in which they have been taught to conform and repress distinctiveness, autonomy and experimentation; all common experiences in defining oneself and developing a healthy perspective. Silverstein (1994) goes on to quote Erikson, “To be able to truly surrender oneself in an intimate relationship, a certain level of self definition has had to have taken place during the stage of identity formulation. The fluidity of boundaries that occurs when relating intimately or sexually is threatening. The threat is the further loss of identity, which is tenuous to begin with. It is therefore an experience which is avoided by the individual who does not have a firm sense of identity.†A psychic numbing occurs that interrupts and interferes with connections with family, friends, community and a profession.
Silverstein (1994) emphasizes Erikson’s diffusion of industry as a lack of organizing cognitive tasks, such as concentration, that would be necessary in maintaining an occupation. A fixation with simple activity or a ‘spacing out’ would hinder a veteran’s ability to sustain gainful employment. “His preoccupation with traumatic experiences may have channeled his psychic energy in a way which precluded that which was necessary for career development†(Sliverstein, p. 74). Many RCV have had many sporadic jobs not lasting long in duration, repeating the pattern many years after their war experiences, and thus further reinforcing the undefined character.
Troubles devising a strong sense of identity often result in a development of a negative identity. Culture has an influence on the developing persona as societies norms are modeled after our parents and peers. At a time when adolescents have not completely formulated an ethical belief system conducive to successes within society, they have been subjected to the armed forces value structure. “In combat, strength and force can be the arbiter of justice and morality. The laws of guerrilla warfare pre-empt compliance with the social and legal niceties of the civilian world†(Silverstein, p. 75). Taken from the jungles or the desert to normal life, a survival response such as these endangers the RCV and exposes them to the legal system. Many times traumatized veterans become seditious and wind up on the wrong side of the law. RCV who have failed to effectively assimilate their wartime incidents become encumbered with guilt. RCV exist with the weight of survivor guilt and of their horrific conduct long after the events, hindering their pre-war values.
Impulse control becomes exaggerated from the demand that soldiers respond automatically, without hesitation which could cost them their lives otherwise. “This tendency to act impulsively is not solely a function of the condition of the combat experience. It is also arguably related, to lower levels of ego development, of which reduced impulse control is a concomitant†(Silverstein, p. 76). By using the lack of impulse control, the RVC may use this mechanism as an endeavor of atonement to ally their remorse. These imbalances leave the veteran unable to forgive themselves of their wartime activities with a crippling continuous cycle of insanity and self-torture.
Detachment and estrangement have been experienced by many RCV; many avoid others for fear of rejection. “The veterans have been trained to sense danger even before it occurs. In the face of danger, they have learned to sense and see danger even before it occurs. In the face of danger, they have learned to react quickly and to attack the danger in a way that shifts many of them into a paranoid-schizoid position of functioning†(Bradshaw et al, p. 472). A struggle arises in healing as the veterans move to a depressive position, as stated by Bradshaw et al, p. 472,“…they sense danger related to feelings of loss, guilt, vulnerability, sadness, remorse, compassion, empathy, and loneliness.†To regain control, Bradshaw further says, “…they shift to the less morally ambiguous paranoid-schizoid position. When they make this shift, they justify their feelings [and actions through this defense mechanism, giving them an]…adrenaline rush and [feelings of] no grief or depression.†When this high wears off, they feel even more depressed. This fragmented personality leads to a life of chasing oneself without knowing their relational boundaries between normal society and themselves.
Bradshaw, Samuel L., et al. (1993). Combat and personality change. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic. 57 (4), 466-478.
Caldwell, Barbara A., & Redecker, N. (2005). Sleep and trauma: an overview. Mental Health and Nursing, 26, 721-738.
Silverstein, Rebecca. (1994). Chronic identity diffusion in traumatized combat veterans. Social Behavior and Personality, 22 (1), 69-80.
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Shannon
I sure hope I can find some clarification, and some up to date info on PTSD. My husband doesn’t believe he has it, but I have known the man since I was 16 years old, and know he has it. He startles very easy, when I just come in a room behind him he jumps a mile and chastises me for not warning him. He doesn’t sleep well, and jerks a lot in his sleep. He has a real temper now and is more apt to yell than he used to be, so far I can handle him well when he gets agitated. There’s so much more…
Keep putting out the info, as I am trying to muddle through how to help this wonderful husband of mine.
Thanks!
Dean
PTSD is a very real disorder. After returning from Vietnam in 1968, all my friends told me how much I had changed. Many would have nothing to do with me telling me I seemed hateful and bitter, even violent.
They thought it was funny that I would hit the deck when a car backfired or jump at the slightest noise. People could not come up behind me without making it very clear they were there, even my own family.
I suffered through years of waking up in cold sweats not being able to go back to sleep. My weight dropped from 195 to 150 back in the states because I couldn’t eat. All I wanted to do was drink and drink myself into oblivion. Drugs got in the way which only compunds the problem.
It cost me two marriages, and more jobs than I can count.
I too was in full denial and it cost me dearly. Nearly cost me my life….
15 years later I lucked upon an advertisement for a DAV outreach program in 1983. It took me months to build up the courage to go but I did and I will be forever grateful to them.
Our young soldiers deserve our compassion, care and understanding. They might deny it but it would be in their best interests to seek help. If nothing else at least a group of veterans where they can talk it out.
One of the best aids is getting them to talk about their experiences with other vets. Many of the normal defensive attitudes are put aside in a group of vets.
Most of us from the Vietnam era had few options. The VA didn’t recognize PTSD as a real problem. Thank God a few Vietnam vets not only recognized it, they started a program to help us deal with it through the DAV.
PTSD doesn’t just affect the veteran. It also consumes loved ones and family members.
Do not pass this off as something inconsequential. It isn’t. It is very real and can be very destructive if left unchecked.
Time does not heal the emotional wounds without serious help.
My only advice to you Shannon is to contact the local DAV where you live, Explain what you are going through and find out if they have a program that will help this young warrior. Follow their advice.
Drop hints to him that there is a vets group out there he might be interested in. It might take some time but don’t give up. You have to cut through that male ego and help him realize he is human.
My very best wishes for you and your husband.
Roman General
Thank you Dean, I could not of said it better. Welcome home brother.
Dean
Welcome home to you sir. Those simple words have been a long time coming and they mean more to me than I can express.
While I won’t say I’m out of the woods yet, I am far from those bleary days and sleepless nights. Life finally begins to have meaning.
It’s a long hard road but I have to say the journey has taught me many things and the friends I’ve made along the way are priceless.
Thank you for keeping this in the forefront.
I made a promise long ago that I would not sit idly by and watch another generation of veterans suffer through what we did.
My oldest is a Gulf War 1 vet. It’s what brought us back together after so many years of estrangement.
We talk regularly now, my line is always open to him no matter the time of day or night. All he has to do is call and when he doesn’t I call him.
God bless you!
Keep up the good fight.
Isaac
Dean,
Thank you for your service sir, if not for men like you, my country would be under communist rule. Troops give a lot but hardly get anything back even when all they ask for is support.
Roman General
I feel the same way Dean, my journey has taught me who I am and my purpose in life. I have come full circle and now can see that which crippled me.
I still feel the mental and physical pain that PTSD brings. Sleepless nights, fatigue, obsessive thinking, hyperalertness, hyperarousal, and anxiety.
Today brings understanding, my life makes sense and I have a purpose. I have been being prepared to serve those coming home. I truly believe that all I have been through has been preparation for a unique perspective to aid this generation of veterans coming home.
Isaac, your compassion and empathy helps more than you could know. Spread the word about the plight of our veterans, the public thinks they know. A deeper apprehension and awareness has to come forward for our veterans to get the help they need.
Isaac
Your welcome RG, if it is fine with you, can I copy this essay of yours onto my blog? Full credits go to you of course.
Roman General
Yes please do, thank you for the additional exposure.
Dean
Thank you Isaac. Believe me it was a team effort. The small part I played was relatively insignificant when compared to the big picture, but I can say without reservation that I am proud of my service.
It took years and another war by young men to teach me there is honor in serving your country.
Had you asked me that in 1970 I would have merely walked away claiming to have never been to Vietnam.
Those days are gone and I will credit the young warriors of today for restoring some of the pride I now have.
Although it has been 40 years, the demons still come, but now I know how to face them.
I too would like your permission to cross post this Roman General. I am associated with Cyber Pastors Do The Right Thing.
All credit will of course go to you and this fine blog.
In fact you have several articles here that are a must read in my opinion. Rather than cross post all of them I will provide a direct link to them.
We have several young warriors who regularly visit CP’s blog. If it helps even one find the path to recovery then it is worth it.
Roman General
Dean, yes you may link with my articles, I would like to request that they be linked to my blog though, PTSD, A Soldier’s Perspective:
http://ptsdasoldiersperspective.blogspot.com/
the link is in the side bar located in the Military Support Groups,
Thank you,
Roman General
Shannon, here is a post from a friends blog, it has some straight forward advice and information on PTSD and helping a spouse:
http://journal.robhonzellsrms.com/2008/08/11/spouses–how-do-you-help-your-ptsd-partner.aspx
U.S. Citizen
I don’t know if you guys still read this. But I did a report on PTSD. I cannot say I understand what your going through. But I can say that I appreciate everything that you have done for our country
-U.S. Citizen
Roman General
I still keep track of all my posts, thank you for your support.
Kevin
I don’t know if this story is even worthy to be looked at by your blog. Besides the possibility of being printed in some format. The story is true and factual. It’s a tragedy that has nowhere to go but upwards. This issue at hand has affected several Combat Veterans, including myself from WWII to OIF / OEF. There is help out there through the Veterans Administration.
Combat Veterans and Anger Management
I am writing this article for all my fellow Veterans. Some may read and think this article is written out of weakness. That’s a mood point, because this article deals with real life issues and the help available from the VA. This article is written on behalf of all our faithful Veterans. Especially, to those who have served our nation in wartime. The piece is written to make aware what help our Veterans Administration Hospitals truly provide in area’s of Post Traumatic Stress and combat related counseling. I personally have always been a skeptic when it came to dealing with the Veterans Administration Hospital System. Even though I have utilized their medical care throughout the years. A recent crisis struck home and I came to fruition that the VA does really care and wants to help. They are professionals and understand Veterans issues. They are experts in fields of combat stress and anger-management issues caused by combat related problems. They are there for the support concerning all counseling issues. Even those that might have existed prior to joining the military or had been enhanced due to a combat related experience. The VA system is prepared to meet the needs and concerns when it comes to counseling and supporting those that have experienced trauma due to their combat military service. I am writing this in awe, to say thank you to the Veterans Administration for being there for me in this crisis. I was always to ashamed to admit my fears and concerns out of pure pride. I have bottled up my anger-management issues for years. I was to afraid to seek the real help I always needed. Why one may ask? Ignorance, pride? Both could be the answer. I am writing my fellow Veterans this, in a two-fold breakdown. One, never estimate the help our Veterans Administration Hospitals can offer. Two, don’t assume as I did, that one can overcome the issue by themselves. I am caught up in the second tier.
Some say I am an educated man. One who should know better. One who had specialized training to know what support systems the VA offers. I hold a Master Degree from an ATS accredited Seminary in Kentucky, and a Bachelors and Associate Degree from a Regional Accredited University / Community College in Ohio. The answer is, I did not. Instead, I was not the Husband, Father, Army Reserve Chaplain, Pastor and Man I should of been. I should have sought out the needed support for my combat related issue(s) long ago. Way before I was married in the 1990′s. But refused.
A few days before this past 2010 Christmas, my family left me due to my anger management issues. I have seen anger-management turn my life totally upside down. I have seen it ruin relationships, cause problems in my ministry and bring crisis to my own walk in life. The issue has caused financial struggles, personal struggles, and spiritual struggles within my life. Especially, my spiritual walk. I recently deployed over five years from 1999-thru-2008. During many deployments, I have helped many with the same like issues as an Army Reserve Chaplain on active duty deployments. My problem was, that I was just to afraid to admit and seek counseling for myself, due to being an Army Care Giver. In 2008, my family left me due to the same issues. I reached out to a well known church within the Ross County, Ohio Community. The Pastor had previous combat experience himself. I thought to myself, here we go, I was finally prepared to sit down with someone and share my issues that he might be able to relate and offer true direction from his past experiences. Instead, I was referred to an elderly assistant pastor by him who had the best intentions but really did not understand where I was at the time and what I was going through. I was also seeing a VA counselor at the same time, but was to ashamed to open up and share all my issues at hand. After a few months and being given the feeling that the senior pastor who had served in combat was not interested in me, I just gave up. One faithful member of that church tried to keep me focused, by partaking in the local men’s prayer groups within the community. He was a true mentor who I believe was walking his faith. This gentlemen is well respected and owns a Christian business in the local area. In the long run, I left, feeling I was not worthy to be accepted or talked to by the senior pastor. Selfish and ignorant on my part, but true. I am not seeking sympathy or compassion concerning this written article. You see, I had to hit rock bottom this time before I realized I needed to get help for my combat related issues and become whole for myself. I was tired of the hurt, denial, emotions, rejection, ruined relationships, and the blame game. In the process, I have lost my family, my home and my dignity. Today, I am homeless due to my prior in action. I have come to the conclusion, no matter what, I am at fault and take full responsibility for my failure to seek the actual support needed in my life years ago. Last week, I started the process to become whole, seeking transformation for the first time in my life, with the help of the Veterans Administration Hospital and their staff. I have started individual professional counseling and entered group therapy. I have put my pride aside, accepting medical support for my issue as well. In these two weeks, that I have spent away from my family, I have also drawn closer in my faith for the first time in 15 years. I have reached out to two wonderful Christian ministers in the area. One minister I have known for years and the other I have respected over the past decade for his stature within the community.
What I am trying to convey to all my Veteran colleagues that might be having the same type of issues is this. It’s never to late. This is an earnest and forthright account. Don’t follow the example in desperation, but one of inspiration. If one needs support due to anger-management issues that are curtailed to combat related problems, go and get the help needed. I say this, especially to those that are married and have families. Today, I have only talked to my children a few times via the telephone. That part has crushed me. Due to my insistence and pride, I thought I could handle my combat related issues on my own. I was wrong. By my in actions to seek help, I failed myself and those who depended on me. Especially my loved ones, my family. My prayer is this, that the message will strike the hearts of those Veterans and their families that might be experiencing the same situations in their life right now. My hope is, they will act to seek the support needed. Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed.
In closing, by my in actions, I let the only ones that truly loved me, down in life. My message to the married Veterans is this, there is nothing on this planet that can take the place of a precious family. The VA is there and prepared to do their part to assist and support those in crisis and need. Don’t be one of in action, but rather one of action.
Respectfully
Kevin B. Compston
A Desert Storm Combat Veteran
Scott Lee
Kevin, your courage in facing your demons is an example for the Combat Veteran. Face them while honing your faith and inner light, you will find yourself again.
Laura
I am reading a very one sided piece here about a soldier who is a victim of war. There is a family that is lying in ruins on a battlefield as well. There is a family that has been decimated. A woman who is a shell of her former self, 2 children who don’t know which way is up because they have lived in a home where landmines were everywhere and they never knew which way to turn. There are years of counseling in front of them before they will be what they could have been if not for the abuse of this man. This man has done reprehensible things and now is using PTSD to act as if it all is in the past. How nice. I happen to personally know the hell he put his family through. I have known his soon to be ex wife since we were much younger and she is just now rediscovering who SHE is after years of abuse she suffered at his hands. She is just now beginning to live again after the years of desperation she lived through. And the children are for the first time not living in fear of his rages. His unprovoked rages that made them live in fear for them and their mother. Where is all of this in the blog put out here?
And what of the man who has for the past 5 years not worked. Has laid around while he had his wife support the family by whatever means necessary….he didn’t care how the bills got paid…just so they got paid. He didn’t care how many churches and social service agencies she had to go to to get the bills paid…she just knew she had to get them paid. She knew if she didn’t do what he wanted that she was in trouble…it was like living in a terrorist state.
And what of this man who hasn’t paid ONE DIME of child support yet…not one thin dime…when he is getting weekly unemployment checks…if he was really remorseful he would care enough to care whether his children had food, shelter or any of the other necessities…this man also took the computer his children needed to do schoolwork. Yeah he’s a class act all right.
This is the man you all are lauding with your praise. Just thought you should have the record straight…now a novel of fiction where he is the victim.
Marc
Laura, as one of Kevin’s best friends, I have to step in here and stand up for what Kevin is doing. His courage and candor has far surpassed any negativity broached by this prior blogger by the name of wow. I am a military retiree myself. I served 25 years in the Army and Army National Guard and know exactly what Kevin is going through. I too am a Operation Desert Storm Veteran like Kevin and I served in Iraq in 2005. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and will be in counseling probably the rest of my life. I am on medication to. When one serves in combat and actually is involved in the fighting, there is a loss of innocence when a soldier, marine, sailor, airmen and coast guardsman experience the tragic scene of death. Viewing one of their own being killed or killing the enemy themselves. Worse off, is seeing little innocent children getting killed. Yes, Kevin should of sought the help needed years ago after Desert Storm. But thank God he is acting today. We can’t look back. We can only go forward. And by no means, am I justifying his prior actions due to PTSD symptoms. Those include; denial, anger, rage, arguing, sleep disorders, alienating friendships and many more. I should know, because I to have acted out in some form of all of them. I agree with the blogger wow on that. I would say everyone is a victim in Kevin’s family. I believe his spouse and children will need counseling, because this epidemic does effect the whole family. Some of the reasons veterans and military personnel do not seek help are; pride, the stigma of shame and the possibility of losing a military career. Those are just a few. I do know Kevin well enough to say he has been in counseling since the end of December 2010 when he and his spouse separated. He has utilized the VAMC, the civilian professional counseling sector and the pastoral care sector. He has enrolled in VA group therapy and VA individual therapy. He to has enrolled in the VA Care Center. He has accepted meds for the first time. Kevin has utilized the VA Chaplaincy at times to. What has taken place in the past has caused Kevin to take the right steps. Even though they are tragic, he is not the only veteran going through this. Over 650,000 Desert Storm, Somalia, Iraqi and Afghanistan Veterans are flooding into the VA System for this very topic. I do know he has forgiven himself and has asked numerous times for forgiveness. Kevin has struggled to move forward, but is on the right path towards what we in the combat community call, the path to wholeness. Kevin has passed through what is referred to as “The Dark Night of the Soul” into the “Acceptance” phase and is now entering the Transformation Phase towards healing. I do know Kevin well enough to state, that he has witnessed to losing his family and loved ones over this crisis on several blogs and media outlets. Kevin has stated numerous times in these blogs, that he is not looking for sympathy or compassion concerning his crisis. He has tried to convey the message to his fellow veterans, to act and seek help. Don’t put off what you can do today, because families are to precious to lose.
As I told Kevin. He must continue to look in the mirror as a “Wounded Healer”. Right now, he is probably taking care of himself for the very first time with this struggle. I told him from my own experience, he must “Fight the Good Fight and Run the Race” as this is must. For if he doesn’t, he’ll never be on the road to wholeness for himself or anyone else in society. What I told Kevin is this, You are doing the right things and don’t give up. Once you see the VA Psychiatrist, VA Psychologist and your VA Primary Care Doctor, request that they refer you to the “PCT Clinic.” I said to Kevin, hopefully, they have one at your local VA.
There is no “quick fix” and it does take some hard work on the one who is learning to deal with PTSD on a daily basis. It is really important that Kevin’s spouse gets the counseling and some help in understanding PTSD. As she knows, it has a dramatic affect on all family members and close friends.
Here are a few sites concerning PTSD for the family I looked at:
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/effects-ptsd-family.asp
http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/ptsdmil.html
http://www.ptsdsupport.net/family.html
I also was there with Kevin after Christmas. I do know for a fact that he tried to get Unemployment to take funds out for child support. I know he loves his children. But Job and Family Services statement to Kevin was, not without a court order. I should know, I was there listening to the speaker phone conversation wih Kevin. To the blogger named wow, who identifies Kevin as not trying, I believe I know what’s going on with the support issue to. Since I have been mentoring Kevin as a fellow retired officer due to my own experience struggles with PTSD, I do know, he has a letter from human services calling for an administrative hearing to set child support in early March. I have seen the letter myself. From how the letter states, his spouse and human services has a copy as well. I know, I was there watching him sign for it. Know matter what the outcome, Kevin is on the right track. My hope is, that his family will research and look at PTSD Issues. And seek counseling themselves. I know his spouse and can say with humbleness, she isn’t perfect either. When the blogger talked about keeping a roof over his families head and providing food for them, I ask the blogger wow, how was my friend Kevin supposed to do that? He has an order directing that he cannot be 100 yards near his spouse. Kevin only gets to talk to his children 4 times a week on the phone. And he has done so faithfully. So I ask the blogger wow, how? He was forced from his home while his family lived with her parents until recently? Kevin was homeless the first week he was directed to leave his home. As a Christian, I shared with Kevin my faith has helped me in my own personal struggles with PTSD. I have observed Kevin this past month, watching him re-commit himself to the faith. His character has shown this, through his blogs and his media articles. He has also witnessed this tragedy in several local churches in the area. I have watched Kevin convey to these churches a message of hope and a message of help for those veterans, service-members and their beloved families who have struggled with this issue. Kevin has spoke to several Christian Outlets. Asking them to take up the cause and become a Christian Outreach for those going through this condition. I have not seen this form of change in Kevin in a long time. Probably when he answered the call to ministry and entered Seminary. What I told Kevin is this. Love your children and do the best you can for them. I told him, no one is perfect in this world. I said, Kevin, like other veterans who has struggled in this area, everyone deserves a second chance. What amazed me about Kevin is, he took full responsibility for everything, even issues his spouse caused. Why I asked? He looked at me and stated, because he was supposed to be the Christian Husband, Father and Man he was called to be. I call on the blogger wow to prove Kevin did not work? Five Years? He was in Honduras from 2005 to 2006. From 2006 to 2007 he did extra drills and extra AT’s in the Reserves. Kevin worked in 2008 in drills and serving in Japan. Kevin was out of work in 2009 and in 2010 has been drawing unemployment. From my personal Christian faith, I told Kevin to be of good cheer, don’t sweat this back and forth. Just be there for your children and for your family. I told him there will be redemption in all this one day. I said to Kevin, it may be hard to see now, but in God’s time, he will make it known and forgiveness will be plentiful. As a Christian I have to forgive. I told Kevin, God has forgiven you, and so have I as a best friend, christian brother and fellow combat veteran. I shared with Kevin that I to have been where he is and understand what he is going through. He was there for me and now as a fellow Combat Veteran and Retired Officer I must be there for him during his struggle. My prayers are for healing to all involved. Especially, Kevin, his spouse and their children. I know he still loves them and cares for them. No matter what is posted that contains hate or negativity. I told Kevin to keep moving forward towards the goal of healing and wholeness. It will all work out in Gods Timing.
Marc
Knowing Kevin as I do and his spouse, I have to say again, she wasn’t perfect either. I remember when Kevin was on deployments, he shared with me on the telephone that his spouse was drawing his Captain pay and her pay to. Yet she did not take care of the rent or the bills. I remember him telling me about his spouse borrowing money from another friend while he was deployed. His other friend was an Army Retiree to. This other friend could not hold back any longer from sharing this with Kevin. Kevin’s friend told him that his spouse was asking to borrow money without his knowledge. Believe it or not, many people supported Kevin and knew what financial crisis his spouse was putting him through. Especially, while he was deployed several times. She would not pay the bills. Many people knew, but did not share that with him. But a few did. From my understanding, Kevin has taken full responsibility for that part of his life as well. Because he stated to me, he should of taken over the finances as the Christian Husband. Even if he was depolyed in another country. Look, Kevin with all his faults and issues has finally accepted where he is at and what he has to do to heal and become whole for his loved ones, friends and collegues. I forwarded the example of PTSD information pertaining to familes. I believe Kevin was clear that he lost his family due to this crisis. Not once did he ask for sympathy or compassion. I have watched Kevin preach and witness in several churches of late concerning what he refused to do in the past, by not getting the help, and ruining the lives and relationships concerning his loved ones. He has spoke in detail about everyone in the situation being a victim. Now Kevin is in professional care and getting the counseling that he needed years ago. Laura, I have been there and know exactly what Kevin is going through. He cannot go back. Even though it was painful for all. Kevin has been a victim of PTSD for years as well. That’s what I am trying to bring across without taking away any of what the family has experienced. My family needed counseling to. I know, my family went through hell with me. Until I finally reached out and got help MYSELF. WOW, as a profssional myself, you know Kevin is on an order to stay away. He cannot contact his spouse by mail, e-mail or any other means. Or he will be breaking the order. That also pertains to her family and their home, where Kevin’s spouse and children from my understanding resided at until most recently.
The sadness in all of this, is Kevin’s family cannot contact his spouse or their childen either. Let me close by trying the best that I can as a Combat Veteran who has went through this and continues to utilize therapy, counseling and medication just to be effective for society. By putting down my pride I have become a better person for it. PTSD is no joke. It effects everyone involved. The Combat Veteran, the Spouse, The Children, The Families and The Friends. Laura, your friend, Kevin’s spouse already knows that. She’s lived it, just as my family did. It’s pure hell. I will admit that.
The moment a person enters a Combat Zone, their “Innocence of Life” is automatically stripped from them. Those who come back after their first tour often want to go back to find what they left behind. Well, what they left behind is intangible and it is their “Innocence of Life.” this, in and of itself, creates a Moral/Spiritual Injury that the Navy and Marine Corps are already addressing.
I have shared with Kevin as he continues to go through counseling and therapy a little saying that a counselor shared with my group and still does to this day.
I used to say this as I began my journey back, “Remember Lord, that nothing is going to happen to me today that, together, we can not handle.” I believe Kevin has grasped that idea and has took the lead in sharing that with his fellow veterans in some of these blogs. He has started journaling and writing down his thoughts. Which can be theraputic. He has changed for the better, because Kevin is actually engagaed in full therapy and getting the much needed tools to be effective for society that will bless him and those around him. He told me the other day, without the friends who have stepped in, he doesn’t know what would have become of his journey in life. Kevin shared with me a passage from Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Laura, I and many other Combat Veterans and friends have seen this action starting to take place in Kevin’s life. I can’t speak for his spouse and his children in the area of forgiveness. But as a Christian, I know from my personal trial with PTSD, healing began when I first forgave myself. This is what I shared with Kevin and told him that God will bring forgiveness to all, one day. I shared with Kevin to stay focused on getting whole himself first. My prayer as I stated before, is for everyone involved. Especially Kevin, his Spouse and their Children. WOW, whether you can accept the notion or not, I do know Kevin loves his children very much.
Laura
Changes being made in this mans life? Funny his wife and I talked on the phone the other night after one of his many phone calls that had his kids so upset they wanted to hang up the phone. He talks of change but continues to manipulate and try to control what he has no control of anymore. This talk of change is just that without action. He promised his kids (and he is the one that brought that subject up) he would send them something financially and then told them it takes time. Well funny it doesn’t take time if you want to do something. Talk is cheap. Actions speak. His actions are speaking loud and clear and nobody who knows him (including his 5 children) are fooled this time. I am glad to be there for her and the kids as they deal with his continued manipulations and hold him accountable for what he has done and continues to do.