A SOLDIER'S PERSPECTIVE
THE WEB'S LEADING MILITARY BLOG SINCE 2004
Roman General posted a couple of questions that I would like to address in a separate post so everyone else can throw in their opinion on what I have to say. I am going to concentrate on one question that I feel strongly about.
How do we answer, “When is daddy/mommy coming home?”
Long time readers know I’m a father of one with another on the way. I thought about the answer to that very question for several months before I deployed to Iraq last year. The answer I came up with isn’t one without a good bit of pain involved.
I strongly believe in my mission as a Marine. I am to close with the enemy and overwhelm them with superior firepower. If my life is taken accomplishing that mission, I want my children to know that. The language used will vary depending on the child’s age, but in short I want them to know I will not be coming home.
I feel it is very important for my children to know that I gave the ultimate sacrifice in the defense of this nation. I want them to hold their head high knowing that their daddy loves his country so much he would give everything to ensure that country and its citizens are protected. I don’t want the truth sugar coated in anyway. I make no assumptions that my death wouldn’t be hard for my children to understand and come to terms with. I only hope and pray they will never have to go through the pain of that understanding.
(5) Readers Comments
Leave a Reply
![[UPDATE] The “Face” of Military Dating Scams – The Wall of Shame](http://militarygear.com/asp/wp-content/themes/LondonLive/thumb.php?src=http://militarygear.com/asp/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/2.jpg&w=53&h=41&zc=1&q=100)
555FAA71-9003-E525-37025352646A88C8
Hi Gaby, you can email me at tracylin.hogan@yahoo.com and i will ta
Army Review of PTSD Will Reinforce Combat Veterans Not to Seek Help
CJ, we thank you for your service and all you have been through and ho
Army Review of PTSD Will Reinforce Combat Veterans Not to Seek Help
Who would WANT a PTSD diagnosis? Only a fraud would. I would give an
Anatomy of a Military Dating Scam
HI EVERYONE, I KNOW THAT THIS JOHN BULLARD JR. IS A SCAMMER FROM E
JessDawn
Be carful with this. I know the want and almost need to explain the sacrifice that you could give. However, as a child I heard very similar sentiments when my father (a devil dog also) was going on deployments. While I understand now what he was doing and how it was not that it was more important than me, but in a way for me. When I was a child I heard that everything he was doing was more important then him being with me. A child does not usually understand that does not mean that it is more important than they are and can lead children to believe that their parent(s) love something more than them, and not that they love something differently than them.
However, I also believe that it is important to be straightforward with you kids, because if you do not tell them that could result in separation anxiety even when you are home side. I guess it is very difficult to find the exact right words. So that the kids understand that you do love your country and you are willing to die to protect it, but that it is a different type of love than how you love them. Also, that it comes from a want to protect them, and the way of life that you want for them.
This is so hard and I cannot imagine the pain that it would cause you. I left the Army so that I could have my first child and raise her. Only because I thought that my husband was going to be stop-lossed and we would both have to deploy at the same time. Though I would probably have stayed in the Army if I knew then what I know now, I do not envy that conversations that you will have to have with your family about your deployments.
Emily
You know, i’ll disagree with RG in the question of why do we ignore these questions. Umm..hello?? As a wife of an active duty person, and the child of a retired NCO, do you really think in these households those questions AREN’T asked and talked about? I’ve been to all the meetings over and over and let me tell you, we are educated about it.
Yes, it is a delicate balance of explaining it to a child to help them understand it, but not any more than a non-military person dying and leaving a family behind.
My kids know that daddy has a job, and it’s his job that provides for us, and his job does require more than your average joe person. Not that he loves them MORE than his job, but it is his job!
No, i’m not turning the other way, just like i ignore so many of the other comments on here, sometimes it really just isn’t worth my time.
Marcus
Jess,
I know Anna would be able to explain everything to Bella and our little one on the way. Anna is very intelligent and has a lot of experience with young children and separation. She graduated from Southwest Missouri State (now just Missouri State) with a degree in Early Childhood and Family Development. She also took a class about separation and deployment. To top it all off, she has done a lot of research on the military and is even a Key Volunteer. I have no idea how I ended up marrying such an awesome woman.
TracyS
Thank you Marcus for your thoughtful answers. Every child and every family is different so there is no “right” way to explain things to your children. You need do what you feel is right for your family.
Marcus said: “I have no idea how I ended up marrying such an awesome woman.” Probably because you are awesome too! LOL
Roman General
Emily, thank you for not turning away from commenting.
When I made the statement of ignoring these questions, I was not referring to the dedicated military families.
I was addressing the people who think that they have no vested interest in this war or how our soldiers and veterans will be treated upon returning home.