Sometimes you have no choice but to do so, or go insane. I do not think that every soldier who contracts PTSD from combat in the defense of our country wants to use this as an excuse to commit crimes. Maybe some will claim so, less than 1% and I doubt that they actually have PTSD. The rest of us live in fear of what may happen, we feel the snap of reality going and when we come to we fear what may of happened and what we did.

How many times have you heard about the wife waking up in the middle of the night with the Vietnam Vet choking her, he has that 1000 yard stare and a look of death on his face. He comes to and cannot believe that he was back in combat trying to kill charlie when in fact he had his hands around her throat. This is not a warm up to go kill, rob or steal because we think what a great idea it would be to become a criminal now that we even have the “perfect” excuse. Tell me, where do you see soldiers and veterans getting away with anything?

If anything we have attention drawn to us and have placed upon us a higher demand for a show of integrity and character. We exemplify the pride and honor of our country and its people. Not that soldiers or veterans with PTSD need any more stress than we already live with, but there it is.

Sometimes I need to share with someone who will listen and validate what happened to me was real. If I do not do this I might convince myself, again, that I made it all up, that it just did not happen. I do not need solutions, I do not need answers. I just need to be heard to know what I am feeling matters, that it is real.

Imagine knowing something about yourself more than you know anything, and at the same time knowing how unreal it is. This part of you has such a hold on you, that you cannot for the life of yourself feel its grasp until it is too late, then it has you and you are no longer yourself. Imagine a watery consciousness slipping away and thinking who was that? And, you already know the answer, as it dissipates like smoke on the wind. In that moment of realization comes the instantaneous realization of your being, slipping away.

The sad truth is that the American Public has become blinded to the plight of our vets and this has become evident by the ease to condemn those that commit crimes, and vilify them rather than to actually solve the dilemmas we face. We have become accustomed to ignoring our veterans who have defended our nation, since after WWII we have become your person you love to hate. This is who we are, we who do what you do not want to do and wear the emotional scars and bear your shame.

Let me ask you again. Would you want to forget the biggest most influential part of your life?